Help! I'm In Over My Head with Foster Care!
Parenting is hard. There is nothing like having to care for a tiny human with no impulse control. Foster children often have trauma that have affected their behavior and development. Add to that all the state standards, training, paperwork, and unplanned visits; it is not uncommon for parents to sometimes feel like they are in too deep.
How can you keep your head above water? Here are six tools or resources to help you keep going when overwhelmed with fostering children.
Church Community
1HOPE recruits families directly from churches, and it is a requirement for licensing with 1HOPE to be a member of a local church. We see foster parents as missionaries to children in care. Your church family is often on the front lines with you. If you are not involved in your church then you miss out on pastoral ministry, prayer, soul care, and an inherent support structure.
In his classic work, Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer says that community is a grace from God. In a church community, we carry each other’s burdens to the cross of Christ. He says,
“The Christian, however, must bear the burden of a brother. He must suffer and endure the brother. It is only when he is a burden that another person is really a brother and not merely an object to be manipulated. The burden of men was so heavy for God Himself that He had to endure the Cross. God verily bore the burden of men in the body of Jesus Christ. But He bore them as a mother carries her child, as a shepherd enfolds the lost lamb that has been found. God took men upon Himself and they weighted Him to the ground, but God remained with them and they with God. In bearing with men God maintained fellowship with them. It was the law of Christ that was fulfilled in the Cross. And Christians must share in this law.”
Family
This one can be tricky. Not every lives close to their family. Even worse, sometimes family isn’t supportive of fostering or adoption (sadly, it’s happened). Family wont always be an available resource, but for those it is, don’t neglect it. There is no shame in relying on your family for help. If you can, do not be afraid to ask a parent, a sibling, or a cousin for help, whether its a meal, an errand, or babysitting. If you do not have this option, see above regarding church family.
Respite Care
Respite Care is critical to foster success. Depending on the case, you are not always allowed to travel with a foster child, making wedding plans, business trips, and planned vacations difficult to navigate. Respite providers are licensed and trained to similar standards as foster parents and are equipped to be a temporary home for your foster child for 3-14 days. If you are interested in utilizing respite care, email ServeSA@1hopeforkids.org or ServeNB@1hopeforkids.org.
Babysitting
You need a break. It can be difficult to get certain tasks and errands done with a child in tow. Sometimes you just need a rest, a date night, or to schedule an appointment. Take advantage of certified babysitters to get an hour or two to yourself or with your spouse. If you are interested in finding a 1HOPE babysitter, email ServeSA@1hopeforkids.org or ServeNB@1hopeforkids.org.
The New Braunfels Foster Closet
This scenario happens all the time with fostering: You get a call from 1HOPE at 11:00 at night. CPS and your 1HOPE case manager are on their way over with an infant, leaving you no time to get baby clothes, diapers in the right size, or even a car seat. The list of things to get and prepare snowballs until you’re no longer able to sort out the decisions.
First, 1HOPE case managers are here to help, and they are your primary resource with our agency. Second, we have the New Braunfels Foster Closet. The Foster Closet is a ministry of 1HOPE that accepts donations of all sorts to provide to foster families. Clothes, shoes, backpacks, haircuts, car seats, cribs, and everything else can be acquired from the foster closet for free with placement paperwork. We got you covered.
TBRI training
We can not over-emphasize enough the importance of taking TBRI training. Kids in care come from hard places and therefore need special care. TBRI equips parents and caregivers to handle issues related to emotional and mental development in children. It is a long training, but we always have food and child care provided to make it as easy as possible for our families to get equipped for this mission field. Learn more about TBRI here.
Most importantly, you aren’t alone. Fostering is a network, not a deserted island. God has given you all of these gifts to handle the burden, and he will not let you fail because he didn’t. Let us know if you need help with anything.