Foster Care: Expectation vs. Reality

We asked our parents on social media about their expectations of foster care versus the reality. One foster mom painted a clear picture:

“This is a big question!

“When we started our foster care journey, we were trained for what might happen. We went in hoping for the best. We expected kids to be upset and we would comfort them and help them any way we could to move past what could be making them upset.

“In reality, it was many sleepless nights as the child cries themselves to sleep and you trying to help them by rocking them and loving on them, only to be shoved away. In the beginning, you mean nothing to them, but they see you as the person who took them from their parents. They don’t understand CPS or the court system, and that you are only trying to help. They will finally start accepting your help and they slowly start to understand you are not trying to replace their parent. But then you will watch them fall to their knees sobbing as they miss their family so much. You get them into therapy, find the things to help, help them figure out ways to deal with the anger/resentment, and eventually you see the slow change in them. They love their parents but you are making such a big difference just by loving them and being there to walk them through it all. 

“Trauma is hard and different with every experience. As adults, we had many nights I would cry myself to sleep just from helping them with their pain. It gets to be so much that the only thing left is to cry and at times you cry with them just because you hear the hurt and pain. 

“The reality is that you will want to give up, but you will push yourself to help them through the hardest times in their life. You will likely get over one hurdle just to face another. We felt so alone, but once we started relying on our 1HOPE case manager, things changed for the better. They helped get us resources to help us better understand what our child may be feeling. We realized it was so important to take breaks when we could. We had a hard time finding sitters because we had three kiddos. 

And now looking back, not only was I helping three beautiful children through their trauma, but they also are helping to heal suppressed trauma that I never knew I had.”

When you begin fostering you expect to help a child in need, but often they are helping you too.

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